In all honesty, my mind is often a flurry of creative thought and motion. It is hard for me to be “at rest” , and the few times I have noticed myself in a moment of perfect calm and quietness has been a notable experience for me.
In my daily life, this is something I can attribute to the first real loss I had in life: my daughter.
A very small handful of readers here on this site have noted there is only one other poet that I have listed in “other poets” is E.E. Cummings. The reason for this is simple, the first poem “I carry your heart with me” was engraved on her urn, which reminds me of the necessity of love. To know that which you have loved, will love, and will always love.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)
It is not something you can disregard, nor is it something that others can see. It is something like faith, honor or trust – that while unseen, is worthwhile, tangible, and real.
It is something so rare, to have realized the awesome power such knowledge and acceptance brings. To know of myself, a decade after loss, to have been transformed into someone better.
Why does this matter?
In my professional life that is controlled by a world of metrics and business spreadsheets, I am often asked questions like “where did you learn that?” or “why do you know that?”
The first answer, which is typically a professionally minded business one, usually revolves around attending some seminar or spending countless nights practicing my trade.
The second answer, which is entirely metaphorical and of personal significance, is simply “I had a daughter.”
The first answer is merely an action, a choice.
The second answer is the motivation, the reason to which I have made the choice.
Connecting the dots
While losing my daughter was the first loss, she was unfortunately not the last. Mother, grandmother, friends. Many missed and noteworthy people.
To these people I owe a great debt of gratitude. They were the ones who taught me to know “that which you have loved, will love, and will always love” and “that while unseen, is worthwhile, tangible, and real.”
I can only tip my hat, say my words of remembrance, and share these words of insight with my heartfelt “thank you.”
to leave today, with a final line:
“The most wasted of all days, is one without laughter.”