A Hero

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Survival

It was tragic, the serenity of the crystal blue water
broken by chaotic waves of life trying to survive
The silence of november’s leaves fluttering about
as the calm intent of nature signaled the coming storm.

It was perfect in everybreath-taking, beautiful way…
but it became horrific. Deadly enough that I cried,
not knowing if the casual stroll would be defining of my life
or of someone elses.

I heard the screaming, the silence broken as if so fragile
yet loud enough to draw my vision across the lake
and I became witness, in disbelieving horror,
to a small child, near a turned boat, struggling for life.

My mind became lost, confused in the crisis of panic
of knowing that my actions, would define or destroy everything.
I ran quickly to the dock, the boards creaking under my passage
and everything vanished as I dove headfirst into the water.

The water was so cold, yet my heart failed to stop beating,
it shocked me into moving quickly, faster, harder
as I choked down the pain of my muscles cramping,
and pushed my body to either move forward or break.

My ears lost the sound of the child’s muffled struggle,
and my mind searched for hope trying to believe they were not gone.
The water became calm, except for my desperate race
as I reached the boat, without a child to be found.

I couldn’t feel my leg, or didn’t want to,
the pain jabbing up into my chest from the icy water
yet I took a breath, deep into my soul
and prayed my spirit was strong enough as I dove under.

Five feet, ten, twenty…
I went as deep as I could, touching the soot of the lake bed below.
I tried, to keep hope, as I surfaced for breath,
to hold on just a minute longer, as I tried again to choke down the pain.

One more breath, I could do one more
if not for my life, for the child.
I couldn’t give up on someone so young,
so desperate that I could feel it in my soul.

I took my hope, prayed to someone up above
and thought to myself; no one should ever be left alone.
With that belief, I gasped for enough strength
as I forced myself to dive again, hoping, no, still praying.

That I wouldn’t be the one who left this child be gone
I searched, until I lost my breath, and water poured into my lungs
forcing me to the top, denying my spirit what I was searching for
not realizing my hand was grasping so tightly the hand I found in darkness.

I tried, with the last effort I had,
to push the coughing child onto the upturn boat, never realizing
that my strength was gone, the child was safe
yet I hadn’t saved enough to save myself.

Logical Endings

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Dedicated Poems

If no, then yes
But what if yes,
Could we maybe?
Perhaps then it would be
equal?

No, if maybe I could understand
That you have steps
Yes, no, maybe.
If then, could A be me
and B define you

If we simply leave X alone
and try to simplify things
then maybe
two of us, would be one
and the equation that much easier

Yet we are not one
In fact, I cannot grasp the idea
your personal truth eludes me
As A and B, equal X
while left wondering about balance
and trying to ponder where the line is

If A and B could be understood
for just one brief moment
Then logic and hope
would be one, X would be defined
yet I find myself alone
and realize you are simply my X

The Victim and the Savoire

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Survival

It was an amazing calm day
people bustling across the street
daily life just moving along
at a brisk pace

The signal of death
broke the silence
as a car sped by
spreading senseless death
to the common wanderer
I saw you, poor child
fall to your side,
followed by my body
laying down beside you

I remember the feeling,
the need to die, losing control of my muscles
The pounding of my heart
every second that split into two avenues
it was chance
freak uncontrollable fate
life or death
purposely defining one moment
with the possible outcome of the next

I remember darkness
sweet bitter emptiness
then a moment of light
I tried to push myself off the pavement
so hard that I couldn’t feel my body
it had died already
choosing to leave my spirit behind
but I did not want to leave
no, I wasn’t ready just yet
as I was given a chance
to give a gift, the control of your destiny

The taste of life dripped off my lips
crimson drops of sustenance
coloring the pavement beneath me
yet I held on, pushing past the pain
trying to control my body like a puppet
not realizing someone had cut my strings
I was cold, except for the warmth in my heart
I don’t know if it was love
or rage
but it burned deep inside me
fueling my spirit to blaze so brightly
that no one saw the hero I would be
no one to witness, just me

I cried, screaming in pain
without making a sound
breathing so heavy,
but never catching my breath
and I stood,
with no one,
save you
to witness the act
you stupid, beautiful child
and you didn’t know my name
but you would
I put my lips against yours
and breathed life into you
once more

Your eyes opened,
the very last thing I would see
was the life I gave you
and my spirit would leave
so quickly,
with so little hesitation
that I fell down beside you
the small child I never knew

Yet when I died
looking to the sky
my spirit, the gentle savoir
the caring soul you never knew
made a decision
to give you life
as a gift
and then parted
as my strength was gone
but my spirit lived a new

A message of being perfectly mixed

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Creative Writing, Survival

One year ago, today
No, last night
Was a perfect dream
The only time
When life
And love
When dreams
And reality
Became one
In a world of mirrors
I saw something
In a reflection of myself
The phases of life
The angles of imagination
Deep, yet broken
Crystal clear, but partial
Definite and abstract
My life
Combined with everything
Including itself

I couldn’t have said it better

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Dedicated Poems, Love, Romantic

I said three words.
Simply and complete.
The look on your eyes,
was expressive of your soul.
The feeling in your heart,
told me the desire of your dreams.
Yet when you looked into me,
our lips touching anything but our breathing
and asked,
“Do you love me?”
I failed to hesitate,
lost the control I never had,
and said
‘Without a doubt”

I wasn’t lost

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Friendship, Spiritual

I swear this was a dream,
When I was a child, not more than ten
The sky was bright, the air was warm
I was alone in a park
Full of amazing flowers and a crystal stream
My feet were wandering, taking little steps
As I was distracted by everything I laid eyes on
I didn’t care what I was doing or even realize what I was doing
But I was happy, brilliantly moving along one second at a time
Each blade of grass carefully watched, every breath meaningful
My whole world was there, as if the truth of life was leading me along
The direction wasn’t set, nor did I ever bother to look where I was going
Yet my heart embraced itself, holding me like my best friend’s hand
and I realized how complete this dream was
when I found you standing beside me

That Day

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Dedicated Poems, Loss, Love

The phone rang, subtle tones pierced the dull illusion of reality I was wrapped in.
My heart stopped.
So I tried to ignore it, knowing something had gone horribly wrong.
My hand touched the receiver and I knew,
my mother was gone.
I didn’t remember lifting the handset,
or hearing the voice of my sister.
I only felt a harsh void,
the stark agony of losing someone I loved.
I cried, minutes seemed like hours that I can’t recall.

I remember almost nothing,
I couldn’t feel anything,
Except for the hole in my chest that I couldn’t fill.
As if the world was suddenly pressing me to the ground
and the only thing I perceived
was that I wasn’t strong enough
to even stand.
I don’t remember losing control,
but I found myself with my back to the wall.
My friend standing near me,
was simply lost as she looked into my eyes.

I tried for a moment to speak,
but the only voice I had could not be found.
It had been so long since I heard my mothers words,
I must have forgot the voice she had gave me.
My mind wandered into a lost heart,
Searching in this second of awareness
when I knew I had lost her,
a moment of definition I would care to never know.

I was her son, a baby she proudly adored,
Who would grow into a man she would never know
I would go home, hold my son
Touch my lips against his head,
Holding him as I cried,
whispering I love him,
And that my mom had died.

One day,
He would cry for me too
hopefully having his child to hold,
as close as I held him.
To whisper through his tears,
To validate his love,
To care,
To perhaps be comforted.
Yet today, as most days,
she is gone.
And I am simply left saying I love you mom.

The Loneliest Man on Earth

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Spiritual

I wish of things beyond
The simple things
That only I can see
Through the eyes of a man
Not a hero
Through hope and despair
Not defined by the things I wear

I wish of life
of an average story
where I am the background character
of a boy, on his farm
not the savoire of the world
trying to rescue everyone
when I am the only one needing saving

I wish, upon all wishes
that I was not Superman
To be a generic persona,
With just one defining truth
to keep my heart, to keep myself
less alone than being super makes me be

I wish, dear heaven do I wish
to have my wings clipped
to never touch the sky again
to sacrifice my strength, and my solitude
to look at the face of someone I know is equal
and to find myself embraced by a heart
stronger than my own

If only I could wish,
would the world call me selfish
could they believe in the only part of me
that I’m scared they’ll never see
I’m just a man,
please let this heart roam free

The Saddest Giant

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Regret, Spiritual

There comes a moment, when trust and faith become meaningless. Little words that define nothing, as if black had no white. They share such a common theme that they are inherently held together, like a body and soul.

Yet my body lacks a soul. I swear that my breath causes my lungs to raise, only if I live. I am not unique or special in construction, only an automation of blood and flesh that is different because of the error of my creation. I do want to be different. I want to be normal.

If indeed I was created, would not my body be worthy of holding something as special as a soul? If I could breathe, would it not be to fuel the light within me, to ignite the passion of my spirit?

I would only wish that my face was not so hideous, that the people I see would know I cared for them. Someone should love me. I am not broken, or I hope that I am not. Am I not more than the monster they think me to be?

Too many questions. Too many indeed. If I could speak, perhaps I could ask Frankenstein to fix his creation.

My Daughter

Posted by in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Love, Survival

Without doubt, there was a time I hated myself
Not because of you, but because I had no more faith
I loved you, more than I could have ever wanted to
My thoughts, my heart, held you closer than could be imagined

But fate, or the universe, did not care for love
Against every breath I took, every beat of my heart,
I struggled as my hand let go, and my soul could only say ‘no’.
I could only hate myself for crumbling against the loss.

My words, as I thought them, couldn’t be spoken.
I was too far gone, too broken to understand the grief
Yet my eyes looked at you, your perfect face,
And I was briefly tortured by love as I felt myself die.

I do not know if I had faith, if god even existed
Yet on that day I broke myself, I cared for you more than I
And I learned to hate a world full of unknown chances
Yet I never, in my heart, brought myself to disbelieve in you

Your voice, had I heard it, would have been amazing
A brilliant reminder that your soul could dance
But it was never loud enough to hear,
Because the world had denied you a chance to cry

Yet you touched me, no, inspired me to hold on.
Your life, whether short or almost unknown,
Was all too complete. You were loved, more than many.
and with that love, you showed me how to live.

Never again I thought, never again
Would I break myself upon the rocks of unfamiliarity
If I could not share myself with the people I cared,
then I would try, again and again, until I died

I would imagine, and trust,
That one second of being with someone I loved
Was worth the cost of a lifetime of suffering,
And it would let me honor a life no one else remembered

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