The Loneliest Man on Earth
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Spiritual
I wish of things beyond
The simple things
That only I can see
Through the eyes of a man
Not a hero
Through hope and despair
Not defined by the things I wear
I wish of life
of an average story
where I am the background character
of a boy, on his farm
not the savoire of the world
trying to rescue everyone
when I am the only one needing saving
I wish, upon all wishes
that I was not Superman
To be a generic persona,
With just one defining truth
to keep my heart, to keep myself
less alone than being super makes me be
I wish, dear heaven do I wish
to have my wings clipped
to never touch the sky again
to sacrifice my strength, and my solitude
to look at the face of someone I know is equal
and to find myself embraced by a heart
stronger than my own
If only I could wish,
would the world call me selfish
could they believe in the only part of me
that I’m scared they’ll never see
I’m just a man,
please let this heart roam free
The Saddest Giant
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Regret, Spiritual
There comes a moment, when trust and faith become meaningless. Little words that define nothing, as if black had no white. They share such a common theme that they are inherently held together, like a body and soul.
Yet my body lacks a soul. I swear that my breath causes my lungs to raise, only if I live. I am not unique or special in construction, only an automation of blood and flesh that is different because of the error of my creation. I do want to be different. I want to be normal.
If indeed I was created, would not my body be worthy of holding something as special as a soul? If I could breathe, would it not be to fuel the light within me, to ignite the passion of my spirit?
I would only wish that my face was not so hideous, that the people I see would know I cared for them. Someone should love me. I am not broken, or I hope that I am not. Am I not more than the monster they think me to be?
Too many questions. Too many indeed. If I could speak, perhaps I could ask Frankenstein to fix his creation.
My Daughter
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Love, Survival
Without doubt, there was a time I hated myself
Not because of you, but because I had no more faith
I loved you, more than I could have ever wanted to
My thoughts, my heart, held you closer than could be imagined
But fate, or the universe, did not care for love
Against every breath I took, every beat of my heart,
I struggled as my hand let go, and my soul could only say ‘no’.
I could only hate myself for crumbling against the loss.
My words, as I thought them, couldn’t be spoken.
I was too far gone, too broken to understand the grief
Yet my eyes looked at you, your perfect face,
And I was briefly tortured by love as I felt myself die.
I do not know if I had faith, if god even existed
Yet on that day I broke myself, I cared for you more than I
And I learned to hate a world full of unknown chances
Yet I never, in my heart, brought myself to disbelieve in you
Your voice, had I heard it, would have been amazing
A brilliant reminder that your soul could dance
But it was never loud enough to hear,
Because the world had denied you a chance to cry
Yet you touched me, no, inspired me to hold on.
Your life, whether short or almost unknown,
Was all too complete. You were loved, more than many.
and with that love, you showed me how to live.
Never again I thought, never again
Would I break myself upon the rocks of unfamiliarity
If I could not share myself with the people I cared,
then I would try, again and again, until I died
I would imagine, and trust,
That one second of being with someone I loved
Was worth the cost of a lifetime of suffering,
And it would let me honor a life no one else remembered
The Feeling of Being Alone
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Spiritual
Sweet, distant
Oblivion
The last place I found myself
And the only time I knew nothing
I stood there,
Alone
Wondering if my shame
Had been given to me when I was born
I felt myself
Lost
Trying to find a place no one
Could fathom
or realize
But it was in me
an emptiness
A lack of caring for anything
Even myself
Never good-bye
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Friendship, Loss
A friend, that I never said good-bye to
Was so far away, perhaps so lost
That they never heard my apology
the sincere regret I heard in my heart
or the loss I felt when my faith was questioned
I never said good-bye
Because I knew who I was
Every time I took a breath, I knew myself
Better than I wanted to know anyone
enough that I saw how much they meant to me
It wasn’t my vision that was lacking
Nor was it the lack of honest decisions
It wasn’t a loss for missing a part of myself
Because everything I had was here
It was here, because I never said good-bye
Cupid Surrenders
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Defiant, Loss, Love
Cupid Surrenders
I was a simple, honest paladin of emotion
Crawling through a minefield of destiny’s tears
The soldier of a passion crucified upon my desire
And lost to the eyes of those who would deny me
I was not blind, no
My vision could span years of life,
From here to there, beyond the horizon
Across this land, and over the sea
I was the thing meant to be, forever
The last definition to embrace a soul
A charming moment that lived away unseen
And the only words to escape lips so beautiful
Yet my name was unspoken by you
In silence, my grave bore no resemblance to my life
I was forgotten, but not gone
Stolen away from a soul that could no longer understand
I could stop between the beat of the drums,
And realize I was at war
My purpose, the faith, and everything I was almost lost
As my will grew so tired of paying so high a cost
Oh dear god, I am alone, the favorite never chosen
The one true warrior who never denied my duty
As again and again, my blood was spilled upon a field of roses
If I were a man, I doubt that my body would still follow me
Yet I think; I am a man, and a woman
I am the force that binds two hearts
The cavalier thought who knows no fear
I believe in a unison that I must provide
But my bow, alas, is empty
I have but one arrow left
I regret, that I save this one for me
And I pray that it finds my heart quickly
Relentless
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Daily thoughts, Loss, Survival
Relentless
The world, as I know it
Is full of uncertainty
None of us; neither rich nor poor
Can expect anything but chance
If I grow strong
I will succumb to weakness
If I am fragile
I will be adorned with struggle
Life will not, ever, be equal
It will lead to challenge
Fond desires broken by lustful greed
And if I should survive, I ask for mercy
The physical body can be broken
And the pain will be quick and deep
It will not relent, as neither will our risk
Nor it will give us a place to comfort
Yet our spirit, our soul, will thrive
In darkness and in light
It will define our greatest accomplishment
And heal wounds so severe we cannot forget
The life we have, will be of two parts
One beautiful, like a flower, needing our nurturing
And the other, like a diamond in the rough
Forever withstanding time and the strife of living
Our bravery will be our strength
The courage to raise ourselves in a chorus of triumph
We will shout, not to be heard, but to live
As if we are children screaming into the world
for the first time
The Death of a Lover
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Defiant, Loss, Love
I tried, with every ounce of who I was I held on
Her hand was warm, her eyes piercing
I can be honest,
I was desperate
Her lips though, were so cold
I feverishly held her against me for a moment
As she didn’t speak, telling me she had to go
I could feel what she meant
But I was ashamed
I simply wasn’t good enough
I couldn’t change her mind
My faith, my belief, my love
wasn’t enough
I tried,
I begged her to stay,
as the fire in her eyes turned gray
I lost myself in my screaming
as I held her closer than I ever had
and as the rain came down,
Part of me became so sad
as my life changed against my futile resistance
I said good-bye
to everything
I gave my heart to you
to all I knew
and I cried
that day you died
How love becomes a stranger
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Honor, Loss, Love
I missed you and I didn’t even know it.
A festival of memories wandering through my mind
and you were there, inspirational, beautiful, yet unaware
Completey oblivious to the history I recalled,
Never knowing that some you once knew still cherished you
Faithfully staying silent and moving away, trying to be invisible
So many hard choices had been decided, but the hardest was horribly simple
To remain outside, to disguise the face I wore, and to become nothing
I would be irrelevant simply to keep the intentions of my word strong
And you would walk by, laughing and smiling
Never realizing that someone was still willing to throw aside everything
To make sure you never saw them
A Wordsmith’s Prison
Posted by Barry Hurd in Coffee - Volume Two, Loss, Mystery
I trusted myself, more than I should have
There was deceit in my mind,
burrowing in my thoughts
My hands were corrupt, covered in soil and hate
And my words, my words…
.
They were simply venomous
So sharp my own tongue bled as I spoke
Every word was painful,
Fueling the anguish in my soul
Leaving me a taste so foul, that I could not focus
On anything but rage
.
I tore at myself,
Loathing the very substance of each phrase
Finding each phrase almost unbearable
as I screamed out my life
My skin crawled with regret
Knowing I could never convey anything but lies
And knowing that I despised myself for it
.
My soul, a black void that consumed itself
Choking on each thought as it tried leaving my lips
And feverishly wanting someone to make me quiet
To hold me down,
Knock me senseless,
And help me end the lunacy of dreadful imagination
.
There was no salvation, no quiet meadow
No, for me there was only a chaotic room of voices
Crazy thoughts and half-finished sentences
A little white room with no doors
And only myself to talk to
My own cellmate in this purgatory of creativity